Family Life on the Road: Interpersonal Dynamics

Planning for Launch

Many families experience transitions galore during their worldschooling journey, sometimes even before they leave home. As your launch date nears, feeling sorrow or grief is perfectly normal. It’s also totally fine to feel none of that and just be excited about the trip ahead.

 

When it comes time, involve your kids in saying farewell to the things you can’t take with you—family, friends, your home, beloved pets. Ceremonies of any kind, whether they are small goodbye dinners or a big bash to send you off, can help kids feel a sense of closure.

Family Dynamics

Once on the road, it’s often the things we take for granted, which are routine or otherwise under the radar at home, that pop up and demand our attention. These changes and transitions may unleash a roller coaster of emotions as everyone adjusts their stride and becomes a traveling family.

Roles and Responsibilities

One of the biggest adjustments is establishing new roles and responsibilities. That process has a bit of an undoing of what was and a bit of creating something new. At home, our days and identities are established and distinct. Kids go off to school. Parents do their work. The bicycle gets parked in the shed; the garbage goes out on Tuesdays. When you begin a road trip, the pieces of the family puzzle may get shuffled. It’s likely that your traveling roles are going to diverge from the ones at home you’ve sorted out over years of practice and living together.

 

Basic needs remain: food, shelter, hygiene, clothing, medicine, sleep. Toss in education, navigation, recreation, and transportation, and many deliberate choices must be made about who does what. If you are traveling domestically in an RV, someone will have to drive, someone will have to navigate, and someone will have to learn the peanut butter and jelly two-step: open fridge, grab jelly, close fridge before the driver turns or brakes. If you are on a boat, only one person can be the captain. If you are traveling internationally, someone needs to be the keeper of the tickets, the linguist, the wrangler, the reservationist.

 

For families with more than one adult, there may be friction as you adjust to being a traveling couple or traveling co-parents. Perhaps at home you grew stronger in your relationship by working through sensitive topics like gender stereotypes and parenting styles. Some of these may reappear, as traveling has a way of shaking loose feelings that have settled over the years. There may be a sorting-out period in the early weeks or months of your trip. Treat it like the changing of the seasons: you may need to adjust the thermometer, change your base layer or outerwear, or eat cool food instead of spicy. Adaptation is a learning opportunity, and you’ll come together by recognizing the demands on everyone and having each other’s backs.

 

Adults who were accustomed to working outside the home may be less familiar with performing the day-to-day tasks of managing a family. For those who identify as a traditional earner, extended time away from work may challenge ideas of identity and self-worth. Who are you on the road, and how do you matter? The upside is that you might have time to develop or deepen a hobby or skill. Maybe you’ll find new uses for your carpentry or navigational prowess or language proficiency. Maybe you’ll spend more time with your kids and teach them how to work on engines, fix flashlights, or calculate rates of currency exchange. Perhaps you’ll just hang out with them a lot more than you ever did at home, doing both extraordinary and oh-so-ordinary things.

 

Children can have—and may even need—meaningful roles, too. Age-appropriate work is not only a great way to get stuff done but also builds confidence in our kiddos and can help with their focus and self-esteem. On the road, it may be easier to be patient and give kids time to try tasks and make mistakes. Older kids can read manuals and maps or become experts of any system; they can plan trip segments, make reservations, or even drive the rig. Tweens can check the hours a museum is open or wash pajamas in a hotel sink; they can plan a meal, shop at the market, and cook. Younger kids can help count backpacks, fold bandannas, stir the oatmeal, look under beds for missing socks, or hold someone’s hand when walking through an airport to make sure no adult gets lost. Go ahead and delegate! It’s good for everyone.

 

You may have some team building to do as everyone gets tossed into the fishbowl. Be patient. Be kind—including to yourself. Balance the challenges by finding new ways to bond. Maybe it’s dinner together every night. Maybe it’s setting an intention for 1:1 time with each of your kids. You might have fun coming up with a family nickname, a name for your vehicle, or a theme song for the journey. Roll with your new roles.

Personal Space and Boundaries

In addition to sorting out roles, it’s important to make space for yourself and for family members so you all have room to breathe.

 

For one, your living quarters may be smaller than what you are used to. Maybe you’re on a boat, renting small apartments, or living in a string of hotel rooms. You’ll have to play Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets the bed, who gets the top drawer, or who gets any drawer. For another, you may find yourselves cramped together in sweaty trains and taxis. The smaller physical spaces may also be tough for family members who aren’t comfortable changing into pj’s or putting on a swimsuit with everyone around. Might be time to perfect the “deck change”—wrap a towel around yourself, drop whatever you’re wearing, replace it with something new—all in the privacy of your terry-cloth “changing room.” It’s a good skill to have, so there is no better time to learn it.

 

Physical proximity is one aspect, but adapting to social proximity can be more nuanced. It’s all out there in the open. When you’re always together, you’re always together. Skye White put it like this:

*“When you’re full-time traveling, sometimes you just want to shut the door, but you can’t. There’s no door.”*

 

Be prepared to say everything aloud, in front of your kids. Even if you think you are whispering, they can probably hear you! Setting boundaries and claiming alone time can provide great role-modeling opportunities. Maybe you commit to a solo morning walk or time to listen to a podcast or music. Some couples trade off one morning a week or a monthly overnight away to do their own thing. Other families designate “quiet hours,” downtime, or headspace time. These physical and mental breaks could coincide with kids’ naps or be a new period in your daily or weekly rhythm.

 

If you are traveling with a partner, the time you spend together can nurture a relationship. Traveling reveals different sides of ourselves, and that may be exciting, interesting, and novel. Parenting in broad daylight is full of surprises and full of potential. Simply being together for three meals a day can feed the love.

 

Finding time for date nights, privacy, and intimacy can be a challenge when you are on the road. You probably need to plan rather than be spontaneous, and think about where your kids will be and who can look after them; then you need to stay awake! Our advice is to make your time together a priority. Your kids will appreciate seeing their parents hugging or holding hands, talking with each other, working through the ups and downs of travel, and being supportive partners. It’s a rare and beautiful thing for children to witness their parents’ unfolding as a traveling couple, and they will recognize authenticity in these loving moments.

 

We can’t predict how traveling together will affect your relationship, but we can say from experience that good intentions and openness always help.

Siblings

Sibling dynamics can be wildly tested as your family travels full time. Twenty-four seven in-your-face togetherness may take some getting used to, so be deliberate about creating space for everyone. We’ve talked about the value of making 1:1 time between a parent and each child. Maybe that can be expanded to create some physical space between siblings. Perhaps there’s a suitable event or excursion that would work for a parent and child or for a solo teen. When everyone cannot go off to their own room, you can get creative with how and where you carve out physical space for a quick break. When tensions rise, try calling for quiet time, and redirect kids to get their book, throw a ball against a wall, or head outside for some downtime.

 

All that together time can also lead to better sibling relationships. We’ve heard from many parents that they were pleasantly surprised by how much closer their kids became when they had time to sort out their needs and work as a team. When there’s a limited number of playmates, siblings start to look pretty good. Or maybe it’s because they’re not competing for their parents’ attention or because they’re sharing rooms, beds, and inside jokes. Sometimes the causes of rivalry wash away in shared adventures, and siblings might become best friends.

Teens

Worldschooling with teens can have glorious tension. On the one hand, it creates unique opportunities to pull together and deepen connections before they leave the nest. Being on the road can relieve pressure and give teens a break from academic demands and social expectations, which in turn creates openings to connect. Without their peers around, teens also don’t have to worry about the “(un)cool factor” of hanging with parents and siblings when the family is on the road.

 

On the other hand, some teens start to want independence from their parents, make their own money, go on dates, and form a community of peers. These wants might feel antithetical to full-time family travel, and while it can be challenging for all, there are ways for everyone to thrive. Some parents allow their teens the freedom to plan travel segments, take off for a solo jaunt for a couple of weeks or even months, return home for a while, or meet up with friends and then reconnect with their families later in the year. They might connect with other teens at worldschooling gatherings. There are also social media communities and online forums that can help fend off feelings of isolation.

 

Teens wishing to work and earn money during a Wonder Year can find online business opportunities. For instance, they might engage in digital design, writing, podcasting, and other content creation. They can look for tutoring jobs or ways to broker goods in online or physical marketplaces, too. Talk to your teens and help them explore opportunities as global citizens—they may find inspiration and influence from their unique traveling vantage points.

Only Children

Travel can make it easy to celebrate the relative independence and maturity of many an only child. And while they are accustomed to navigating their childhood with mostly adults around, it is still important to think about their personal space and boundaries. Finding 1:1 time is not the challenge. Finding 0:1 time is! You can create comfortable spaces where the parent(s) gets out of the way and the kid rules. Sometimes there are relatives or other trusted adults who are happy to help. Look for ways to connect your kid with peers at drop-in classes, camps, or clinics or at in-person or online worldschooling communities. When traveling kids find each other, it’s magic.

One-Parent Families

Traveling as a one-parent family presents an amazing bonding opportunity between parent and kid(s). As the sole adult decision maker, there’s no need for negotiation; single parents may enjoy freedom and ease in matters of planning, education, and spur-of-the-moment decisions. (We recognize that the language around families is evolving; here, we use the term single parent with broad and inclusive intent.)

 

At the same time, there may be unique challenges. There’s no other adult to navigate the logistical hurdles at airports, bus stations, and guesthouse check-ins, or to help juggle all the gear. No one is there to respond when you yelp, “Hold this, take that, watch Aidan, I’ll be right back.” If there’s an appointment or meeting you must take care of, there’s usually not another adult who can easily stay with your child or children. As a single parent, you may be well synched with your kids, but they can’t provide you with adult-sized shoulders for support when you need it.

 

Other single-parent travelers are out there, and many are savvy, resourceful, and eager to connect and share advice. Check out the increasing number of meetups and local chapters of single-parent travelers as well as social media communities that have helpful information. Some parents tap into expat networks to get recommendations for nannies or babysitters so they can get in some extra work time or enjoy an art-museum visit or dinner out on their own. Others find great utility in a regular Zoom call between kids and family back home.

 

Visits from family and friends can also provide a welcome interlude. If your budget allows, consider travel companies that cater to one-parent families. Their excursions can offer great adventures as well as opportunities for adult interaction.

Family Communication

Traveling as a family can be a giant exercise in communication. You’ll have to talk about logistical, financial, and parenting matters and make decisions about immediate next steps or longer-term arrangements. Travelers may find that their dialogue—even about sticky subjects like finance or work—on the road is better and more immediate than when they are at home. We encourage you to keep the lines open with your family members. You can model what it looks like to listen and agree, or listen and disagree, and come out on the same page. Not always that simple, but do keep trying.

 

Some families relish the chance to make travel decisions together at a set time or in an impromptu huddle. When kids take part, they have the chance to learn practical skills such as brainstorming, active listening, sharing feedback, negotiating, articulating trade-offs, compromising, and contributing. They can also present some fantastic ideas—you might be amazed by what your kiddos will come up with when given the “speaking baton” and permission to contribute.